WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
They are going to name an STD after you.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
