is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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