Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
