As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
