You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He? As in you personified your dick?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
