God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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