my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
