Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
