So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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