every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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