At least make sure they are 18
Why
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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