If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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