We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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