There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My legs feel like baby dolphins
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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