Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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