Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
