This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
