Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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