Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize