he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize