were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
