9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
