Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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