Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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