Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
