Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
