So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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