in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
