Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
