I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
