he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
