singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
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SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I forget how to act sober
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