I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
