Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
another moral hangover. fuck.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
