She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
