I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
