Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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