After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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