Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
