You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
