Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
