Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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