White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
