Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
