no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
