: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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