Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
