this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
