my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
