I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We have started to decorate penises.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
