She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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