i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
