matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
