Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
