I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
