I faked an abortion last night.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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