is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize