If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
