Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
