Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
