How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize