I think I won the penis lottery.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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