I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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