im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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