I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
