but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
