someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
